Aniexty and Depression and all those other issues.

This might be a bit of a shock and it's actually something I'm not really comfortable talking about, but I want to express this. I think it's important to know that you are not alone.

Yes, as you may have figured from the title, I suffer from clinical depression. Not the kind of 'depression' you get when someone passes away or you're hurt, no. It's the kind that doesn't go away, it stays and festers itself into your body and won't leave you alone. I also suffer slightly from social anxiety, this however, I think comes from a long childhood of being bullied, but I'll get to that later.

What is depression? I could give you the dictionary and tell you to look it up, but I think best is to describe the way I see it (or you in this case?). To me depression is a black hole that sucks everything from inside me up and leaves me feeling empty. It rips apart at corners in my brain and causes me to want to stay inside my bed-burrito all day. It takes away my daily motivation to do anything and makes me tumble into a never-ending vortex of self-hate and general blah-ness. It makes me look in the mirror and makes me pick apart everything that could be wrong with me (hair, eyes, mouth, face, neck, etc.). It makes me feel small and tivial. I lose my selfconfidence, my apeteite and my appreciation for life.

When I'm stuck inside this tunnel, I can't see the way out. I usually don't find my way back very easily. It takes weeks sometimes.

And then when I've found my way out, I'm an outgoing and happy person and I often don't recongnise myself. It's so strange, even for me.

I'm lucky I guess, that my friends support me and my family is there for me and that my boyfriend unrolls my blanket-burrito and helps me get back on my feet. I'm lucky. I know.

But sometimes you're forced to be alone and then, even if you are lucky, this can be your worst nightmare. Being alone, having to fight demons alone... that sort of thing is scary. And I don't know when I will be ready for that. I'm not strong enough for that. Not yet at least.

I wish I would have told someone before it was all too late and would leave scars so deep that they always bleed. And it's not like you can wake up one day and say "I'm gonna be ok today"... That doesn't work. I wish it did. 

I'm just rambling, but I wanted to let you know, you're not alone. And never ever be afraid to speak up. People are cruel and stupid, but some people are heartwarming and kind. And those kind people, they will help you. I promise. 

If you think no one is there to listen, message me. I'll listen. I promise <3 

Love, 

Ophee <3 

London 2014

Before you start... yes this was last year. I just got around to actually sitting down and blogging. Life has been pretty crazy atm. :) But I want to share my experince regardless. 

LONDON, ENGLAND.

First, amazing. Second, amazing. Third, I'm in love.

I went to England to visit my best friend and I kind of fell in love with London <3 It's a gorgeous city and a wonderful place to visit and live!

Sadly, I didn't see the Queen :( But one day I will! :)

Anyway, enjoy the photos!

Big Ben! Such a beautiful sight 

China Town! Sadly, it was overcrowded due to the Chinese New Year. But it was still amazing to see :)

The London Eye. I want a ferris wheel that big in Germany too!!!

I had to... like seriously. This is typical.

At Buckingham Palace! (Oh god... I look so young...) 

Slightly drunk with my best friend.

Love you guys!
-Ophelia~ <3

Photoshoot

Hello magical Alpacas!

I give you three photos from a small little shoot I did. Nothing too interesting and not professional, but fun! <3 Promise! :)

No one Knows (Copyright: J Photography)

In the Shadows (Copyright: J Photography)

Heaven Knows (Copyright: J Photography)

There you guys go! I hope you enjoy! It was just as fun to shoot as to create and I hope you all think so too (or not, whichever you choose!) :) Either way, until next time you cute little chummies <3

Bye bye <3

With love,

Ophee~

Easy, quick, and effective DIY hair remedy! (Hoyoive Mask)

Tired of all those leave in conditioners that seem to do nothing but make your wallet thinner? No problem! I have a solution :)

DIY: Honey, Yogurt & Olive Oil Mask. (I'm going to call it the: Hoyoive Mask) ;) I'm creative.

Like most people (or not?) I have had my fair share of damage regarding my hair. For a while it was down to my hips, but then I decided to cut it up to my shoulders. (That was the start of a bad idea). For, I think, five years I have been dying my hair... often. Too often maybe. In the course of a few years (three to be exact) I dyed my hair brown, black, brown, then blonde, then brown, then blonde, and now I am brown. I am proud to say though... I have not dyed my hair for a year! Once you dye your hair it's hard not to dye it again. I learned this the hard way.

Bleaching your hair especially when it's been dyed darker colours, is very damaging. I know people say "bleach is not that bad." But I will tell you the truth... it is. It sucks the pigments of your hair right out and strips it of any moisture and beauty. After my showers when I had bleached my hair, my hair would be a rats nest and I couldn't brush it until it was dry. (This... as you can imagine.... made my hair thin! So many knots! Terrible!) But we are bound to dye our hair and its perfectly normal and safe (for the most part!). When I bleached my hair I didn't use any homemade recipes, only really expensive hair remedies from Asia (which worked by the way). Eventually my hair became manageable again. But everything you buy has chemicals and some which you don't even know what they do.

My hair timeline: 

During 2010 - 2012 my split ends were terrible and my hair grew slow due to the ends constantly breaking. This year I have been using this mask once a week and it's worked wonders! (that's a red hair extension, not my real hair!)

Ingredients: 

• yogurt
• olive oil
• honey
• a whisk
• a bowl
• a table spoon

Instructions:

Step 1: add about 3 tablespoons of yogurt to the empty bowl. If you have thick hair or long hair you may want to add 5 to 7 tablespoons of yogurt so that you have enough.

Step 2: Add circa three tablespoons of honey. 

(Is it just me... or does it look like a ghost?) :p 

Step 3: Add two/three tablespoons of olive oil for normal hair. If you have dry or damaged hair I suggest two add four/five tablespoons. Olive oil is known to help moisturize the hair as well as the skin! (Olive oil is also great against wrinkles!)

Step 4: Time to whisk it all together!! Note: I actually improvised while making this. Your mixture should become creamy! If not, add a little more honey or yogurt. But if you cook a lot and have a feel for stuff like this it might come naturally. ;) 

Be careful though! Too much olive oil can cause greasy hair! Not a good idea if you have to leave the house :o

Now that the ingredients are mixed, you should have a creamy concoction. It looks like pancake batter. (haha, but it doesn't taste all too great!) ;) I like to keep mine in the fridge for an hour or so, so that the texture is thicker and sticks to the hair better, but this is a personal preference.

Apply this mixture on towel dry hair (or damp hair!) and leave it in for  30 minutes, however I recommend 1 hour.

When the time is up, rinse your hair and shampoo lightly. After rinse with conditioner. Once your hair is dry, it should be soft and shiny.
:)



I hope this tutorial for your own Hoyoive Mask brings you a lot of success! <3 Healthy hair is happy hair! :)



Lots of Love, 

Ophee <3